It's one of those buzzy, hip concepts that you hear about probably too much by people who don't really know what they're talking about. So I want to set the record straight about what it is, what it isn't, and how understanding it can help your business save money, save time, and have more productive people.
First Things First
Let's start with a premise: our emotions are not a secondary characteristic - they occupy a primary place intertwined with our critical thinking, behaviors, skills, and motivations. Whether we like it or not - or whether we realize it or not - our emotions and the emotions of others impact us every single day in many different ways.
For too long we've sidelined emotions and devalued them in the workplace. The thought was that 'emotions have no place in business' - but the reality is that emotions flood everything we do, including business. And by ignoring them or casting them aside we've created a huge blind spot for ourselves. We've left an entire 'knowledge flank' exposed, and the leaders who did so got crushed.
But hear me here: that doesn't mean that emotions do or should run the show. It would be going to the other extreme to argue that we should make all (or even the majority) of our decisions, business or otherwise, based on emotions. We evolved higher level thinking in order to mitigate some of the poor decisions our emotions drove our ancestors to make.
So - like many other things in life and business - it is a balancing act. And you can't balance properly if you are ignoring an entire section of a problem or issue.
Understanding EQ
I'm going to define emotional intelligence, and then break down each of the 5 constituent parts. Others might do this a bit differently, but this is a definition and breakdown that works very effectively for me, our business, and our clients.
"Emotional intelligence is the ability to sense, understand, and effectively apply the power and acumen of emotions to facilitate higher levels of collaboration and productivity."
There are 3 levels to this definition:
Sense: this is about awareness. Do you sense or perceive another person's emotions? Can you tell if they shift or change? I find that many people reach this level - most people can 'sense' whether something is happening emotionally with another person.
Understand: this is about accuracy of insight, comprehension and identifying with the other. I've sensed the person I'm talking to is angry: am I sure anger is the right emotion? (It could be frustration, passion, intensity, etc). What does anger do to me? How does it impact me? How does it impact the person I'm talking to? So they're angry - what does that do to the context of our conversation? How will they act?
There are significantly fewer people in this category. 'Understanding' is very difficult and requires a number of well developed skills, particularly listening, as well as broad knowledge and experience dealing with other people.
Effectively apply: this level is about directing and channeling. I've sensed this person is angry, and I'm pretty sure I know what the anger is doing to their thinking and processing but what do I do about it? Do I need to push them harder through it? Do I need to back off and recalibrate? Can I utilize their anger to catalyze others? Or will it sink the ship and cause everyone to jump overboard?
This is by far the most difficult level, and very few people (myself included) are able to get to and stay at this level consistently.
But the ones who do are unbelievably effective, skilled, and productive. And it is possible to get there! Emotional intelligence is a complex skill, but it can be learned, built up, and improved!
Improving your Emotional Intelligence
Recognize emotions
You can't work on something until you begin to recognize that it is real and actually happening. The first step to improving your emotional intelligence is to start recognizing your own emotions.
Which one(s) come up most often? What happens when they do - what are the results? What triggers or prompts those emotions?
It helps to stop and say something to yourself as soon as you feel the emotion: 'I'm angry. I'm working on this difficult problem here at my desk, and I can't figure it out. And it is making me very angry. I just yelled at my assistant and threw my pen across the room.'
Be as accurate as possible, but don't get hung up on the small details. You don't do cross-fit before you've gone for a walk!
Recruit your family and friends
'Your people' know you very well - probably better than you think. If you are having trouble recognizing emotions in yourself, check in with people who know you well and ask them what they see.
Ask questions like 'What emotions do you see most in me? What are my emotional tendencies - anger, sadness, numbness?'
Remember: other people see emotions in you whether you see them or not! Your goal is to heighten your own awareness of what others see, and by doing so pick up on those emotions in others quicker and more perceptively.
By doing so, you'll be more effective at directing the emotions of the people around you.
Use a tool to gain more insight
Shameless plug: an assessment can help you shed light on areas you need to pay attention to or work on. They can give you more insight about yourself. They are not magic - they are a tool that we use to gather more information and to validate ourselves.
We have an excellent Emotional Intelligence assessment (EQ) that I talked about in the post for our Tuesday Quick Thought this week. Consider using it to increase your emotional capacity and skill.
I'll leave you with this: 'Research shows that successful leaders and superior performers have well developed emotional intelligence skills. This makes it possible for them to work well with a wide variety of people and to respond effectively to the rapidly changing conditions in the business world. In fact, a person's (EQ) emotional intelligence may be a better predictor of successful performance than intelligence (IQ).'